Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Today is a serious venting writing day.
A ambigous diary entry.
Innocent or what? Someone recently made the comment that I was innocent.
Defined. adjective
1. free from moral wrong; without sin; pure: innocent children
Perhaps I'd like to be innocent. defined by simple effect, creating a wave of assumption. I like that someone thought I was innocent, its like wiping the slate clean, all my past indisrecions erased temporarily.
I'd rather appear innocent and fragile, childlike even, that to be like YOU. So hard with so many layers that innocence appears lost. Just like a nut, hidden in a hard protective shell, YOU have a centre, although it would be a miracle to ever find it.
I may be innocent but I'm also so fragile you can see fear written across my face as soon as I feel it. I'm obvious despite being hard to predict. I may like to be in control but I'll never let you sit back too long and wonder. Maybe that's what innocence is. Your human capacity to react to things, the more innocent the more obvious and see through your reactions are. Like a child, you cannot hide suprise from anyone. Maybe those who are no longer innocent have becomr ultimate riddle, closed books, shut so no one can see, hard to read, hard to understand and painstakingly dragged out.
I hope and pray you find your innocence again.
some lyrics. Panic At the Disco!
Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
with things as hot as that, sometimes innocence is over rated.

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